1
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,150
Oh, I'll tell you,
these personals
are such a joke.
2
00:00:06,183 --> 00:00:07,483
Look at this,
"single white female."
3
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:09,400
That could mean anyone
from Madonna to Janet Reno.
4
00:00:13,216 --> 00:00:16,316
Oh, here's one,
"exotic good looks."
5
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,420
I'm seeing
a depilatory problem.
6
00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:22,330
I ask you,
what kind of a
loser
7
00:00:22,366 --> 00:00:25,096
shells out 200 bucks
for one of these?
8
00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:25,453
How do you know
how much it costs?
9
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,160
Uh, Niles, clean up
that mess.
10
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:31,500
What mess?
11
00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:36,500
That one.
12
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,400
Mm, sweetie,
don't
forget your RSVP
13
00:00:38,433 --> 00:00:41,333
for Jody's
slumber party.
14
00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:44,660
I don't wanna go.
Why not?
15
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:46,130
Sweetie, you get
to eat like a pig,
16
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:48,266
make phony phone calls
and throw your guts up.
17
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:49,480
It's a very special time
in a little girl's life.
18
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,230
Sure, it sounds like fun.
19
00:00:53,266 --> 00:00:55,216
But I don't know if I can
sleep
without my bear.
20
00:00:55,250 --> 00:00:57,320
So take Teddy
with you.
21
00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:59,230
Everybody will
make fun of me.
22
00:00:59,266 --> 00:01:02,426
You have no idea how cruel
children can be.
23
00:01:02,466 --> 00:01:05,656
Honey, I've had this voice
since the second grade.
24
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:05,380
Need I say more?
25
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:10,660
I just don't know
if I can sleep alone.
26
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,830
Oh, don't worry.
27
00:01:12,116 --> 00:01:12,396
You get used to it.
28
00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:18,153
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
29
00:01:18,183 --> 00:01:19,323
♪ She was workin'
In a bridal shop ♪
30
00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:21,000
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
31
00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:22,100
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
32
00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:23,483
♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪
33
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,320
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
34
00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:29,130
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
35
00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:30,166
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
36
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,500
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
37
00:01:32,830 --> 00:01:34,280
♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪
38
00:01:34,316 --> 00:01:36,216
♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪
39
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:40,180
♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪
40
00:01:40,216 --> 00:01:43,276
♪ Who would've guessed
That the girl we described ♪
41
00:01:43,316 --> 00:01:45,216
♪ Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed? ♪
42
00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:46,250
♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
43
00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:47,453
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
44
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,123
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
45
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,220
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
46
00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:51,480
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
47
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,480
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
48
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,170
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
49
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:58,400
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
50
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:05,160
Oh, look,
here's a gem.
51
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,250
"Young bi couple.
Digs snakes.
52
00:02:08,283 --> 00:02:12,223
Contact Yoni.
P.O. Box 666.
53
00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:13,470
No weirdos."
54
00:02:17,283 --> 00:02:19,153
[LAUGHING]
55
00:02:19,183 --> 00:02:21,303
Niles, move it
with the food.
56
00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:23,473
These society women
are vultures.
57
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,170
Where's the pâté?
58
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,280
Why don't you
just lie on the floor
59
00:02:26,316 --> 00:02:27,126
and let them peck
at your liver.
60
00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:35,330
This luncheon
is very important.
61
00:02:35,660 --> 00:02:37,270
These women are deciding
between contributing to our
show
62
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,830
and the
Children's
Milk Fund.
63
00:02:39,116 --> 00:02:40,346
I don't want
any thirsty little brats
64
00:02:40,383 --> 00:02:41,833
beating me
out of that
money.
65
00:02:44,116 --> 00:02:45,446
Fran, I need a favor.
66
00:02:45,483 --> 00:02:47,403
Billy Hartwell wants
to take me to a
concert.
67
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:49,303
Oh, great.
What concert?
68
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,103
You wouldn't
know 'em.
69
00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:53,173
Maggie, how old
do you think I am?
70
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,500
The Stone Temple
Pilots.
71
00:02:55,830 --> 00:02:57,480
I'm 100.
72
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,180
So, what, you want me to ask
your father if you can go?
73
00:03:00,216 --> 00:03:02,196
And, uh...
74
00:03:02,233 --> 00:03:04,373
The concert's
kind of sold out.
75
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,470
So could you ask him if
he could get us tickets too?
76
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,330
Oh, sure, Mags.
77
00:03:08,366 --> 00:03:11,276
You want backstage
passes, fake IDs,
78
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,296
the whole
"fat chance"
package?
79
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,130
Thanks, Fran.
80
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,170
I don't know
what they expect from
me.
81
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,470
These are hands, not wands.
- Mm-hm.
82
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,330
Although they have
performed
magic in their day.
83
00:03:23,366 --> 00:03:24,126
[CHUCKLES]
84
00:03:26,830 --> 00:03:28,420
Niles, you know
what those women pay
85
00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:30,230
to get that stuff
suckedout
them?
86
00:03:30,266 --> 00:03:32,226
I beg your pardon.
87
00:03:32,266 --> 00:03:35,466
Ms. Babcock specifically
requested fat-free cream
puffs.
88
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,200
Oh, come on. This is loaded
with
butter, eggs and heavy cream.
89
00:03:39,233 --> 00:03:41,003
There's enough
cholesterol
in there to kill 'em.
90
00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:41,370
Oh, really?
91
00:03:44,483 --> 00:03:45,423
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
92
00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:47,660
Ladies...
93
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,330
it is my very
great pleasure
94
00:03:49,366 --> 00:03:53,146
to introduce my very dear,
very close personal friend,
95
00:03:53,183 --> 00:03:55,333
Maxwell Sheffield.
96
00:03:55,660 --> 00:03:57,000
[APPLAUSE]
97
00:03:57,330 --> 00:03:58,450
Who are these boring,
dreadful women again?
98
00:03:58,483 --> 00:04:00,153
The wives
of very rich
men.
99
00:04:00,183 --> 00:04:01,203
Ladies!
100
00:04:03,183 --> 00:04:06,403
[FRAN SHRIEKS]
Brighton!
101
00:04:06,433 --> 00:04:07,353
[BRIGHTON HOOTS]
- Brighton, give her back
102
00:04:07,383 --> 00:04:08,453
that damn bear, you little--!
103
00:04:08,483 --> 00:04:09,473
Oh. Hello.
104
00:04:11,266 --> 00:04:12,296
Excuse me.
105
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:13,423
Pardon me.
106
00:04:13,450 --> 00:04:14,230
Fake Chanel.
107
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,320
Kathy Marie
O'Malley?
108
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:25,500
Oh, my God!
109
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,180
I'm terribly sorry.
Do I know you?
110
00:04:27,216 --> 00:04:30,826
Kathy, it's me, Fran
Fine,
from Flushing High.
111
00:04:30,116 --> 00:04:32,326
Wow, they did a great
job
on your teeth.
112
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:34,180
Look, your chin comes
forward and
everything.
113
00:04:34,216 --> 00:04:36,656
[SHE GASPS]
I don't know--
114
00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,230
And, oh, you finally
got yourself a pair
of--
115
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,320
This is Katherine Porter
116
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:47,330
of the Park Avenue
Porters.
117
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:48,180
Now, if I let you
breathe again,
118
00:04:48,216 --> 00:04:50,096
will yougo away?
119
00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:54,280
Promise?
120
00:04:54,283 --> 00:04:55,453
[BOTH EXHALE]
121
00:04:55,483 --> 00:04:57,503
I hope those are
saline
because--
122
00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:07,160
Hey, hey, hey.
Stop, stop.
123
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,200
Why do you have to
act so crude for
124
00:05:08,233 --> 00:05:10,333
at such
a fancy party?
125
00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:11,250
Well, I'm just
kidding around.
126
00:05:11,283 --> 00:05:13,003
Yeah, well,
have a little
class.
127
00:05:13,330 --> 00:05:14,170
Now, go help Niles clear.
128
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,000
Remember, I got dibs
on all leftovers
129
00:05:16,330 --> 00:05:16,333
with no cigarette butts.
130
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,200
You know,
Brighton's right.
131
00:05:22,233 --> 00:05:25,163
I can't live
without my bear.
132
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,250
Let's face it, I'm
co-dependent,
and Teddy's my enabler.
133
00:05:29,266 --> 00:05:32,296
Sweetie...
I know it's
tough.
134
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,203
I've had to wean myself
off of lots of stuff -
135
00:05:35,233 --> 00:05:36,453
caffeine, cigarettes,
136
00:05:36,483 --> 00:05:38,283
my ex-boyfriend, Danny.
137
00:05:38,316 --> 00:05:40,446
And that was
really tough.
138
00:05:40,483 --> 00:05:42,253
Every time somebody burped
garlic, I got a craving.
139
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,330
Well, Fran, I'll try.
140
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,323
Oh, good girl.
141
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,170
But I'm gonna miss
his furry little body.
142
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,400
That's the same way
I felt about Danny.
143
00:05:57,183 --> 00:05:59,253
Hi. Are the leftovers
ready yet?
144
00:05:59,283 --> 00:06:01,173
Yeah, help yourself.
VAL: Mm, thank you.
145
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,130
Take that one. Just
eat
around the lipstick.
146
00:06:04,166 --> 00:06:06,246
Oh, you are
never
gonna guess
147
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:09,153
who is at the
party
out there.
148
00:06:09,183 --> 00:06:11,833
Kathy Marie O'Malley.
149
00:06:11,116 --> 00:06:12,396
Get outta here.
Are you sure?
150
00:06:12,433 --> 00:06:14,223
Yeah.
- Does she still have the shag?
151
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:16,330
No, and she's
nowhere without
it.
152
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:17,170
Has she aged?
153
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,150
Like a bowl of fruit.
154
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,370
Has she had any work done?
155
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,160
More than L.A.
after the
quake.
156
00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:28,100
Meow Mix,
ladies?
157
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:34,170
Excuse me, could somebody
please
point me to the powder room?
158
00:06:36,116 --> 00:06:38,156
Ah, yeah,
sure.
159
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:39,450
'Cause I busted
outta gym class,
160
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,833
and I'm dying for a smoke!
161
00:06:41,116 --> 00:06:45,156
[ALL SHRIEK]
162
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:48,500
Oh, Kathy.
I knew it was you!
163
00:06:48,830 --> 00:06:50,660
I was just telling Val
how gorgeous you look.
Oh.
164
00:06:52,383 --> 00:06:54,123
So, what's
with the act?
165
00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:56,270
Ah, what about
Mr. French over
there?
166
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,130
Oh, Niles?
Oh, you can trust
him.
167
00:06:58,166 --> 00:06:59,466
He's like Schultz.
168
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,430
[GERMAN ACCENT]
I know nuh-thing. Nuh-thing.
169
00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:06,160
So, what are you
doing here?
170
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:07,300
Oh, I married up.
171
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,203
[VAL GASPS]
Wow.
172
00:07:09,233 --> 00:07:10,383
What are you
doing here?
173
00:07:10,416 --> 00:07:11,166
I'm the nanny.
174
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:12,450
Oh.
175
00:07:14,283 --> 00:07:16,423
What?
Mm, nothing.
176
00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,660
You know, I mean, it's
just,
yeah, everybody thought
177
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,660
you were really
going places.
178
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:21,380
Oh, well,
I showed them.
179
00:07:24,233 --> 00:07:26,173
You remember Val.
180
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,000
Uh, I'm blank.
181
00:07:28,330 --> 00:07:30,000
Oh, sure you do.
182
00:07:30,330 --> 00:07:32,330
Remember when we
all used to go
to Rye Beach Playland?
183
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:33,420
Val would get up early
184
00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:35,400
and stand in a parking spot
until we'd get there.
185
00:07:35,433 --> 00:07:37,123
[MOUTHS SILENTLY]
186
00:07:37,150 --> 00:07:39,100
Those were the days.
Oh, yeah.
187
00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:41,833
So how did you meet
Mr. Right?
188
00:07:41,116 --> 00:07:42,296
I sued him.
189
00:07:42,333 --> 00:07:45,333
Wow, how romantic.
190
00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:46,320
He rear-ended me.
191
00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:47,250
I'm not into that.
192
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:53,430
Now
193
00:07:58,830 --> 00:08:00,280
You know, my husband
has a partner.
194
00:08:00,316 --> 00:08:03,166
Oh, Franny, you should meet
him.
He's loaded.
195
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,200
Oh, no, I couldn't date anyone
just because he was rich.
196
00:08:06,233 --> 00:08:08,223
What are you,
prejudiced?
197
00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:09,380
You're gonna
hold it against him
198
00:08:09,416 --> 00:08:12,216
because he's got
two Ferraris?
199
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:15,470
Oh, well.
It's not really his
fault.
200
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,100
[SINGSONGY]
A house in Monte Carlo?
201
00:08:18,133 --> 00:08:20,403
When did I get
so intolerant?
202
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:24,103
A private jet
and a diamond mine.
203
00:08:24,133 --> 00:08:25,323
Oh, you're
right.
I'm a bigot.
204
00:08:25,350 --> 00:08:28,130
I should be
ashamed of myself.
205
00:08:28,166 --> 00:08:28,326
I'm gonna have to
work through it.
206
00:08:34,483 --> 00:08:37,383
I can't believe
I'm going on this
date.
207
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:40,146
I mean, the man
is a millionaire.
208
00:08:40,183 --> 00:08:41,373
I'm just a simple girl...
209
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,180
with simple tastes.
210
00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:47,403
Where's my other earring?
211
00:08:47,433 --> 00:08:48,423
I'm changing the bulb.
212
00:08:55,330 --> 00:08:56,470
Fran, can you ask dad about
the concert before you leave?
213
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,380
I'll die if I don't
find out tonight.
214
00:08:58,416 --> 00:09:00,226
Oh, well, we wouldn't
want that to happen.
215
00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:01,246
I'd get paid less
with only two kids.
216
00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:06,130
[SINGSONG]
Oh, Mr. Sheffield.
217
00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:07,446
[SINGSONGY]
No.
218
00:09:07,483 --> 00:09:09,003
Oh, all right.
Forget it.
219
00:09:09,330 --> 00:09:10,220
Fran?
220
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,230
Oh, no, Maggie, give it up.
221
00:09:12,266 --> 00:09:14,316
I mean, he can't get you
those tickets.
222
00:09:14,350 --> 00:09:15,450
He doesn't have
those kind of connections.
223
00:09:15,483 --> 00:09:19,003
I beg your pardon!
224
00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:20,450
I can get tickets
to any show on Broadway.
225
00:09:20,483 --> 00:09:24,003
Oh, Broadway.
Sure, of course.
226
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:25,830
I mean, you know,
if she wants to go see
227
00:09:25,116 --> 00:09:26,266
Ann Miller inSugar Babies,
228
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:27,830
you'll be
the first one we
call.
229
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,660
But this is the rock
world,
you know.
230
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,420
I mean, it's way
out
of your sphere.
231
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:37,500
I'll have you
know
I was staging
232
00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:39,200
happenings
on Carnaby Street
233
00:09:39,233 --> 00:09:41,103
while you were still scouring
the semi-annual clearance sale
234
00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:41,333
at Toys"R"Us.
235
00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:47,123
Does the word "Donovan"
mean anything to you?
236
00:09:47,150 --> 00:09:50,000
Oh. I loved him.
237
00:09:50,330 --> 00:09:52,100
♪They call me
Mellow Yellow
238
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:55,130
Quite rightly.
239
00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:56,226
Ah-ha!
240
00:09:56,266 --> 00:09:57,496
[GIGGLES]
241
00:09:58,433 --> 00:09:59,203
[EXHALES]
242
00:10:03,233 --> 00:10:06,273
Meanwhile, explain to me
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.
243
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:08,500
"The girl with colitis goes by"?
244
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:17,330
I always thought
that was very distasteful.
245
00:10:20,383 --> 00:10:23,003
That's "the girl with
kaleidoscope eyes", Miss
Fine.
246
00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:27,403
Ohh!
247
00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:29,373
Leave it to Flushing
to turn a beautiful image
248
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,380
into a bowel dysfunction.
249
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:35,330
[CLEARS THROAT]
250
00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:36,170
Well, don't you
worry, Maggie.
251
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,470
I will get you
those tickets.
252
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,660
♪Electrical banana...
253
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,200
Mm.
254
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:44,423
Let's hope
that's not hereditary.
255
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,380
Thank you so much, Fran.
That was awesome.
256
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,346
Oh, well,
I might be old,
257
00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:52,433
but the noodle
is still sharp as a
tack.
258
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:55,250
[DOORBELL RINGS]
259
00:10:55,283 --> 00:10:57,333
Oh, my God, Nanny Fine,
260
00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:59,276
don't tell me you're wearing
that cheap, tacky dress
261
00:10:59,316 --> 00:11:01,416
to meet Richard Porter's
oldest friend.
262
00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:03,480
I wouldn't be caught dead
in that dress.
263
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,120
You'd have to be dead
six months to fit into it.
264
00:11:12,266 --> 00:11:14,276
Wow, this could be
the man of my dreams.
265
00:11:14,316 --> 00:11:15,996
He could be handsome.
266
00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:17,500
He could be sexy.
267
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,430
Or he could be
my grandfather.
268
00:11:27,466 --> 00:11:30,296
How do you do?
I'm Theodore Timmons.
269
00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:32,663
When you said he was
Richard Porter's oldest
friend,
270
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:32,330
you weren't kidding.
271
00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:38,123
Theo, I'm Fran.
[HE CHUCKLES]
272
00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:41,500
[SHE CHUCKLES] Hi.
- I hope you're not
disappointed.
273
00:11:41,830 --> 00:11:43,220
I know I'm not.
[LAUGHS]
274
00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:46,330
Please, come in.
Sit down.
275
00:11:46,660 --> 00:11:48,250
I couldn't decide
between flowers and
candy.
276
00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:50,453
Oh, well, isn't that
the old-age question--?
277
00:11:50,483 --> 00:11:52,503
Age-old!
Age-old.
278
00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:01,430
You're a--
a beautiful young woman.
279
00:12:01,466 --> 00:12:03,656
Oh, well...
Be still, my heart.
280
00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:04,400
Not too still.
[LAUGHS]
281
00:12:06,383 --> 00:12:08,273
Theo, stop.
282
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:09,220
Whoops,
don't
fall!
283
00:12:16,416 --> 00:12:19,216
My God, what on earth
are all these flowers
for?
284
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:20,400
Either Miss Fine's
date with Mr. Timmons
285
00:12:20,433 --> 00:12:22,233
went extremely well,
286
00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:23,226
or he died,
and we're hosting the wake.
287
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,150
Oh, poor thing.
288
00:12:28,183 --> 00:12:31,003
And she was so looking
forward to this date.
289
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:33,280
I just hope he isn't using
her
to get to her bone marrow.
290
00:12:33,316 --> 00:12:34,466
[BOTH LAUGH]
291
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,270
All right. Decorum.
Mm-hm.
292
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,380
She's probably
humiliated enough
293
00:12:41,416 --> 00:12:43,656
without walking in and
finding us laughing at
her.
294
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:44,830
Yeah, you're right.
295
00:12:44,116 --> 00:12:46,826
Poor thing.
296
00:12:46,116 --> 00:12:48,156
[CHEERFULLY]
Good morning, everyone.
297
00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:52,223
Oh, would you
look at
298
00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:55,320
all these flowers
for a handshake?
299
00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:57,250
What do you get for
a goodnight kiss? Holland?
300
00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:04,123
What?
301
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:07,280
♪Bam-pa-pa-pum
302
00:13:07,316 --> 00:13:13,376
Ms. Fine, aren't you a
little
overdressed for
breakfast?
303
00:13:13,416 --> 00:13:16,656
Oh, well, obviously, you've
never been to morning services
304
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,160
at Temple Emanu-El.
305
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,350
I, uh, take it the date
was acrowning
306
00:13:23,383 --> 00:13:25,303
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
307
00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:26,233
Thank you,
Shecky Sheffield.
308
00:13:30,166 --> 00:13:32,316
Actually, it went a lot
better than I expected it
to.
309
00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:33,400
For starters,
he lived through it.
310
00:13:35,450 --> 00:13:38,200
[DOORBELL RINGS]
311
00:13:38,233 --> 00:13:41,283
All right, so he's a little
more mature than I'm used to.
312
00:13:41,316 --> 00:13:42,396
Mature? Fran,
we're talking Encino Man.
313
00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:48,446
Does he at least
have a good body?
314
00:13:48,483 --> 00:13:51,433
Oh, honey,
you know Fabio?
315
00:13:51,466 --> 00:13:52,316
Put his feet
on Burgess Meredith.
316
00:13:58,233 --> 00:14:00,003
Well, I'm glad to see
317
00:14:00,330 --> 00:14:01,220
you're not taking this
too seriously.
318
00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:03,150
Who said I wasn't?
319
00:14:03,183 --> 00:14:05,403
He happens to be very sweet,
very witty,
320
00:14:05,433 --> 00:14:07,123
and just full of cash--
I mean, life.
321
00:14:10,316 --> 00:14:11,346
[SIGHS]
I don't know.
322
00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:13,353
He just makes me feel young.
323
00:14:13,383 --> 00:14:15,503
Miss Fine, he'd make
Stonehenge feel
young.
324
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:19,656
Uh, you know,
Maggie,
325
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,150
uh, Theo owns a couple
of recording labels.
326
00:14:21,183 --> 00:14:23,453
Maybe he could get you
those tickets to the concert.
327
00:14:23,483 --> 00:14:27,353
I said I'd get those
tickets,
and get them I shall.
328
00:14:27,383 --> 00:14:30,353
Maybe he could
get you backstage passes?
329
00:14:30,383 --> 00:14:33,233
Backstage?
I'll get her on the
stage.
330
00:14:33,266 --> 00:14:35,146
They'll even break a bloody
guitar over her blasted head.
331
00:14:37,183 --> 00:14:37,453
Cool!
332
00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:41,473
Ms. Fine, Mr. Timmons
to see you.
333
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,400
FRAN:
Oh.
334
00:14:43,433 --> 00:14:46,223
Sheffield, I'm sorry
to interrupt your
breakfast,
335
00:14:46,250 --> 00:14:49,160
but I, uh-- I just had
to see my baby doll.
336
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:50,300
[GIGGLING] Oh.
337
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:53,303
Well, I guess I'm
the only baby doll here.
338
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,150
Oh, Theo.
339
00:14:58,183 --> 00:15:00,233
I had the sweetest
dreams last night,
340
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,826
and they were
all about you.
341
00:15:02,116 --> 00:15:05,196
[GIGGLING]
Oh, Theo, stop.
342
00:15:05,233 --> 00:15:07,103
Whoa!
[LAUGHS]
343
00:15:12,333 --> 00:15:14,203
You were covered
in diamonds, kiddo.
344
00:15:14,233 --> 00:15:19,503
Oh, Theo, you are
so extravagant.
345
00:15:19,830 --> 00:15:21,320
But really, let's get to
know each other first.
346
00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:24,380
Honestly, a good conversation
to me is worth
347
00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:27,346
more than all the jewels
in the world.
348
00:15:27,383 --> 00:15:28,453
You wanna have dinner
in Paris?
349
00:15:28,483 --> 00:15:29,253
Enough said.
350
00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:46,230
Talk about elegance.
351
00:15:46,266 --> 00:15:48,266
This is the first
time
I've ever been in
a toilet on a
352
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,250
where I didn't feel I was gonna
be sucked out over the Atlantic
353
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,223
[LAUGHS]
- Thank you
354
00:15:55,383 --> 00:15:58,103
Say, are they even
gonna
say two words to us?
355
00:15:58,133 --> 00:16:00,253
I mean, how am I gonna
get to know Theo
better?
356
00:16:00,283 --> 00:16:02,663
Franny, leave him alone.
357
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,370
Every minute
they don't talk to us,
358
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,200
they make another million.
359
00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:07,183
Well, money
is nice,
360
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,226
but there are
more important things
than--
361
00:16:09,266 --> 00:16:11,326
Is that lobster?
362
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,160
Hey, babe.
Not now, I'm eatin'.
363
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,150
Aren't you
gonna eat too?
364
00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:28,163
Nah, I'm gonna nap.
365
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,100
How could you nap
with $19.95 a
pound
366
00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:30,253
staring you
in the face?
367
00:16:31,466 --> 00:16:33,426
Franny, stick with me,
368
00:16:33,466 --> 00:16:35,266
and you will be
sleeping through caviar.
369
00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:41,383
I hate waste.
370
00:16:47,283 --> 00:16:51,223
[THUDDING]
371
00:16:53,250 --> 00:16:54,200
How's the champagne?
372
00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:55,303
Oh, it's nice and dry.
373
00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:06,663
[THUDDING]
374
00:17:14,216 --> 00:17:15,476
You know, at Sizzler,
they take it out of the
shell.
375
00:17:25,166 --> 00:17:27,176
Oh, Theo...
376
00:17:27,216 --> 00:17:30,156
You know, I've never
been to Paris,
377
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:32,830
but I've always
wanted to go -
378
00:17:32,116 --> 00:17:34,376
ever sinceThe Facts of Life
girls went there.
379
00:17:34,416 --> 00:17:36,426
Babe, you and Kathy
do the town.
380
00:17:36,466 --> 00:17:38,166
Buy whatever
you want.
381
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,130
But I'm not gonna
see you all day?
382
00:17:40,166 --> 00:17:42,226
Oh, look at
that little lip.
383
00:17:42,266 --> 00:17:44,216
Like a baby.
384
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:46,270
Ooh.
Theo, I'm serious.
385
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:47,270
[WORDS VIBRATE]
I don't want to go all
alone.
386
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:50,830
Whatever
you say, baby.
387
00:17:53,433 --> 00:17:56,403
Kathy, baby...
come sit in Daddy's
lap.
388
00:17:56,433 --> 00:17:58,173
What's he gonna do?
Burp ya?
389
00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,170
If he wants.
390
00:18:01,133 --> 00:18:03,403
[RICHARD LAUGHS]
391
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:06,383
[KATHY YELPS]
[RICHARD AND KATHY CHUCKLE]
392
00:18:13,466 --> 00:18:15,296
I thought the Eiffel
Tower
leaned.
393
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:20,660
No, Val!
394
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,170
That's Big Ben.
395
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,000
Oh.
[SCOFFS]
396
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:26,223
What's eating you?
397
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:27,280
Oh, I'm breaking up
with Theo.
398
00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:28,466
Why?
399
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,330
Because he takes me to Paris,
400
00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:35,100
and all I did
was fly in a private jet,
401
00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:37,003
shop at the finest stores,
402
00:18:37,330 --> 00:18:38,500
eat in a five-star
restaurant,
403
00:18:38,830 --> 00:18:39,660
and go home.
404
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,160
Drop dead.
405
00:18:43,283 --> 00:18:47,103
Val, he doesn't care
about what I have to say.
406
00:18:47,133 --> 00:18:49,473
I'm nothing but
window-dressing to him.
407
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,660
A beautiful ornament.
408
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,660
Vanna White.
409
00:18:54,316 --> 00:18:57,096
You love Vanna.
410
00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,283
I know. But I don't
want tobe
411
00:18:59,316 --> 00:19:01,416
I wanna buy the vowels.
412
00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:03,000
I wanna solve the puzzle.
413
00:19:05,316 --> 00:19:07,096
Oh, Fran...
414
00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:08,103
you should write
that down.
415
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,160
I want a relationship,
a real relationship.
416
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:18,420
Like Luke and Laura.
417
00:19:18,416 --> 00:19:20,146
Fran, listen to
what you're saying.
418
00:19:20,183 --> 00:19:22,433
It's ridiculous.
419
00:19:22,466 --> 00:19:23,416
Luke would never
leave her again.
420
00:19:27,183 --> 00:19:28,383
Val, you're gonna have to
move
away from those power lines.
421
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,483
All I'm saying
is that I need a guy
422
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:36,320
that cares
about what I think.
423
00:19:36,350 --> 00:19:39,280
Miss Fine,
what do you
think?
424
00:19:39,316 --> 00:19:41,276
I've got these
concert
tickets for Maggie,
425
00:19:41,316 --> 00:19:43,326
but now I'm having second
thoughts about letting her
go.
426
00:19:43,366 --> 00:19:44,426
You know, we're really
in the middle of something
here.
427
00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:48,216
Why don't you
get another pair,
428
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,380
we'll sit
a couple of rows back.
429
00:19:49,416 --> 00:19:51,096
We'll keep an eye on her.
430
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:53,203
Excellent idea,
Miss Fine.
431
00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:54,503
What would I do without you?
432
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:58,660
All I'm saying is
I need a guy whoneeds
433
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:03,163
The driver is here.
434
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:04,320
Are these all the things you
want sent back to Mr. Timmons?
435
00:20:04,350 --> 00:20:06,150
Yes.
436
00:20:06,183 --> 00:20:06,483
Let me see your hands.
- No.
437
00:20:09,350 --> 00:20:11,220
Must I get
the poultry shears?
438
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:13,280
Oh, all right.
439
00:20:13,316 --> 00:20:16,176
But, Niles, diamonds
are a girl's best
friend.
440
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,656
And now I'm all alone.
441
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:20,320
Oh, you've still got
plenty of friends.
442
00:20:20,350 --> 00:20:21,470
Mr. Rhinestone
and Mr. Zircon come to mind.
443
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,450
[BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
444
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,120
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
445
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:37,170
[SHOUTING]
God, I can hardly
hear myself think.
446
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,470
[SHOUTING] Drink? No,
I don't wanna drink.
447
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,500
Wasn't that
opening act
awful?
448
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:43,270
What a joke.
449
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:45,100
Coke? Yeah, sure,
I'm in the mood.
450
00:20:45,133 --> 00:20:46,433
I'll have some food.
Let's do a hot dog.
451
00:20:49,483 --> 00:20:50,383
Hot dog and a Coke,
please.
452
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,830
[BOTH SIGH]
453
00:20:54,116 --> 00:20:57,826
"I want to hold your hand."
That was music.
454
00:20:57,116 --> 00:21:00,366
Wasn't it?
"She loves you,
yeah, yeah, yeah."
455
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,480
Now, those were lyrics.
Brilliant.
456
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,200
Who can relate to a song
likeDead and Bloated?
457
00:21:06,233 --> 00:21:07,323
Unless you've been to
my mother's for
Thanksgiving.
458
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,470
Hm. There you go,
Miss Fine.
459
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,150
Oh, thanks.
Mm, yummy.
460
00:21:12,183 --> 00:21:14,403
[SIGHS]
I don't know, I feel
a thousand years
old.
461
00:21:14,433 --> 00:21:16,123
Try hiking up
your underwear,
462
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,220
pulling down
your pants a little.
463
00:21:17,250 --> 00:21:19,180
Then you'll fit right in.
- Hm.
464
00:21:19,216 --> 00:21:23,116
You first.
[LAUGHS]
465
00:21:23,150 --> 00:21:26,430
Well, I'll tell you, you wannna
feel young, hang out with Theo.
466
00:21:26,466 --> 00:21:29,496
Oh, I don't
know,
Miss Fine.
467
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,200
I think, if you'd
have
played your cards
right,
468
00:21:31,233 --> 00:21:33,273
it wouldn't have been long
before you were a wealthy woman.
469
00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:35,280
Meanwhile, there are
plenty of bimbos
470
00:21:35,316 --> 00:21:37,166
that grew old and died
waiting for George Burns.
471
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,660
Hm.
472
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:43,180
I need someone
I can share things with.
473
00:21:43,216 --> 00:21:46,096
Mm, thanks.
I'm so parched.
474
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,663
You know, you're
absolutely right.
475
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:50,270
A good relationship
has to be about
give-and-take.
476
00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:51,230
Mm?
Oh, thank you, yeah.
477
00:21:53,183 --> 00:21:54,273
Besides, you have to
have some stuff
478
00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:56,300
you can have in common.
479
00:21:56,333 --> 00:21:59,373
Mm-hm. Ketchupand
Just the way I like it.
480
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:00,170
Oh, sure.
481
00:22:02,450 --> 00:22:03,450
I hope I didn't break
his little heart.
482
00:22:03,483 --> 00:22:06,163
Mm.
483
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:07,250
Although he does have a couple
of new valves in there.
484
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,250
I wouldn't worry
about it, Miss Fine.
485
00:22:11,283 --> 00:22:13,453
He seems to have made
a full recovery.
486
00:22:13,483 --> 00:22:15,473
Hm. He's probably
with some really young chippy.
487
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:16,270
[CHUCKLES]
488
00:22:21,433 --> 00:22:22,233
C.C.?
489
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:27,470
MAXWELL:
Seems she's inherited
your earrings, Miss Fine.
490
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,120
Well, I've got news
for her.
491
00:22:30,150 --> 00:22:31,100
They're nothing
without the necklace.
492
00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:41,150
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
493
00:22:44,116 --> 00:22:46,496
Ow.
494
00:22:46,830 --> 00:22:48,280
Ow!
- That's right, sweetie.
495
00:22:48,316 --> 00:22:50,826
Keep snapping
that rubber band
496
00:22:50,116 --> 00:22:52,226
every time
you think of the bear.
497
00:22:52,266 --> 00:22:53,396
It's called
negative reinforcement.
498
00:22:53,433 --> 00:22:55,323
And it really works.
499
00:22:55,350 --> 00:22:58,000
Yeah, but now my watch
doesn't fit anymore.
500
00:22:58,330 --> 00:22:59,660
Hey, tell me about it.
501
00:22:59,100 --> 00:23:00,250
When I quit smoking,
502
00:23:00,283 --> 00:23:02,203
I had a wrist
that was the size
503
00:23:02,233 --> 00:23:04,203
of my Aunt Frida's ankle
after she had salty fish.
504
00:23:06,383 --> 00:23:08,283
You ready?
Yeah.
505
00:23:08,316 --> 00:23:10,146
Congratulations.
506
00:23:10,183 --> 00:23:12,103
Today is the first day
of the rest of your life.
507
00:23:14,233 --> 00:23:15,483
[IN UNISON]
Hi, Gracie!
508
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,300
[PANIC-BREATHING]
509
00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:23,123
Uh. We'll be
right back.